Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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