Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
