forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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