Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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