Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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