so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize