WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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