she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i believe in u and ur pee
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
