ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I had to cum in my sink.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
