just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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