i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
