Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
