The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
