im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
