Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
