yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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