Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
