Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
