butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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