K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
