WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
