Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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