She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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