u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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