you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
