she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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