Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
