Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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