She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize