i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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