I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I believe in your delicious
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
