you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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