Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
