never play flip cup with pint glasses
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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