I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
