one two three fourrrrnication!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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