Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
