were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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