i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
