I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
