my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
