i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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