Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
