WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
