yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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