If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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