Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
