End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Congratulations! We have a period
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