You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can I color on your dick again?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
