Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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