I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
is that a dick in a sweater?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
