Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
