i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
