He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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