its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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