Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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