I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
