Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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