it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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